I was thinking of something like "Our Season of Humming". The music is still there, we're just quietly humming now because we are a bit--okay a lot--unsure of the words right now. You know how you have those gosh darn expectations that don't quite come to fruition? That's where we're living for now...nope, I take that back. We're just visiting there, not living. Waiting is such a hard space to be in sometimes....
Since I'm waiting, I thought I'd share a couple of things, things I'm processing through. Oh, lucky you, I'm a verbal processor!
I was reading in Isaiah the other day and hit chapter 61 verse 3, the "garment of praise" verse. I got this picture that has been very helpful to me as I ponder what the Lord is doing in our lives in this time of waiting and humming. I'm standing in front of my closet looking for something to wear for the day. (This is not something I enjoy. Can moms have uniforms?) I have quite a few choices, but each one seems to belong to one of two categories--praise or heaviness. The big picture? You, Susie, have a choice to make. What are you going to wear today? A beautiful, colorful garment of praise? Or that dingy, ugly spirit of heaviness? Honestly, some days I choose the heaviness cloak. Dumb, I know, but I still make that choice. The crazy part is I go throughout my day wondering why I feel so discouraged, so far from God. It's not taking as long to figure it out...that's good news! :)
The other gentle reminder from the Lord entails changing my metaphors. One of our speakers in our Crossroads class told us we could do that; we could change the metaphors we use to describe our lives. Is the metaphor I'm using propelling me forward toward God or shutting things down for me? I told someone the other day that I was feeling very abandoned. I pictured myself on the vast open sea on a rough, spindly little wooden raft with God nowhere in sight. Mmmmm....that's a great, life-giving picture, isn't it? So, the other day I asked the Lord for a different picture, a better metaphor for how I'm feeling. Here's what I got...
I'm at a train station. I'm still alone, but I am doing something. I'm waiting for a train, a train that will take me on a trip for which I have been prepared. I am excited because (I know you're there already) the Lord is the train engineer! He's coming and with him comes possibilities and adventure!
What are you walking through in your life right now? Good things? Hard things? Would a change in metaphors help take every thought captive and subject it to Christ?
Are you wearing clothes that don't fit you? I lost fifteen pounds while away and my jeans are a bit baggy. (I can't quite get it right--I'm baggy when skinny is in and skinny when baggy is in! :) I don't like wearing clothes that don't feel good. My praise clothes are always perfect, whereas those heavy ones are too tight, too loose, too something.
Tomorrow is a new day where we all have to choose clothes to wear. What is your hand going to reach for? I am choosing that garment of praise. I'm going to slip it on, button it up, smooth it down and stand on that train station platform and wait with my eyes and heart fixed toward Jesus. Maybe you'll notice me. I'll be leaning forward waiting and watching....and humming...
